Lamps aren’t only the way we illuminate a room; they can shed light on our personalities, too. The perfect pendant or floor lamp can add just the right touch to your home’s decor, underlining whether your sensibilities are more industrial or rustic.
And then there are these lamps and lighting fixtures, which pretty much identify their owners as completely lacking in taste. (Upon reflection, we decided not to show you all the most outrageous examples we found.) Purchase at your own risk: They’ll probably inspire would-be buyers to back out of your house.
Did someone behead Paddington Bear?
Developed by Suck UK, the headless teddy bear lamp is readily available on Amazon for the low, low price of $160. The value of traumatizing your children? Priceless.
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If you really, really love your dog …
Thanks to U.K. artist Whatshisname, you’ll always have a present from man’s best friend. The pooping Chihuahua lamp comes in red or black and costs $1,684, while the Great Dane version will give your wallet the runs at $3,980.
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Tell us how you really feel
A teenager’s woeful poetry notebook personified, this hangman lamp sets the mood for an enchanting evening of nihilistic theory and Lars von Trier films set to a steady background of deep sighs. Even if you do want this lamp, be prepared for another dose of sadness: Developed by Spanish studio EnPieza, this limited-edition Colgao lamp is out of stock. Perhaps it could make a comeback if we keep thinking dark thoughts.
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The hair lamp
Apparently someone watched “The Addams Family,” saw Cousin Itt, and decided it would look so much better with a lightbulb for a face.
During lonely nights, the hair can be braided, curled, pinned, or pulled into a ponytail—but hopefully not set on fire. Anika Engelbrecht of Kassel, Germany, came up with the lamp design, and although it isn’t for sale anymore, all you need is a wig and a torchier lamp and you can make your own. (Disclaimer: Don’t!)
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A very cheeky light
Smack this butt lamp, and voila—it turns on. Called the Slap It, this jiggly silicone night-light will run you $228.79, and it comes in a buttload of colors—10, to be exact.
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Breast lighting fixture ever
The more the merrier? That’s possibly what designer Jonathan Adler thought when he came up with the Georgia Table Lamp, which features over 50 boobs in white porcelain. They can all be yours for just $495.
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Leggy maid lamps
The line between playful and creepy furnishings is razor-thin. These leggy lamps from Japan stand firmly on the creepy side. With one foot coquettishly pawing at the back of a leg and a light switch that is located—ahem—up the skirt, these lamps were spotted at the Onoden Electrical Appliances store in Tokyo for 12,600 yen (about $104).
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Let’s get lit
This marijuana-themed floor lamp would get a pass in a college dorm room, but it should be snuffed out anywhere else. In case anyone doesn’t get the idea, the psychedelic lampshade is complemented by a pot leaf–shaped light switch. Available for $29.99 on Amazon.com.
